Dr. Marisa G. Franco Website

Dr. Marisa G. Franco

Friendship and Belonging Expert

Dr. Marisa G. Franco is a friendship and belonging expert based in Washington, D.C. She is a sought-after speaker who has spoken on human connection at major companies, including Lyft, Comcast, the American Psychological Association, and Harvard University, and has a TED talk on making friends that has 2 million views. In 2022, Dr. Marisa published her New York Times bestselling book, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. Dr. Marisa has curated findings from over 1000 research articles to offer research-backed, actionable advice for improving connection. She is an Assistant Clinical Professor at the University of Maryland, teaching courses on loneliness and friendship to honors students. In addition, Dr. Marisa is a licensed psychologist in the state of Maryland whose research focuses specifically on friendship. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, Good Morning America, Scientific American, The Chicago Tribune, and Psychology Today.

Education

  • BS, Applied Psychology, New York University
  • MS, Counseling Psychology, University of Maryland
  • Ph.D., Counseling Psychology, University of Maryland

Professional Achievements

  • Known for making the science of connection easily digestible and actionable
  • Received the University Honors Mission Award: The Highest Award in University Honors from the University of Maryland, May of 2022
  • Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends received a starred review from Kirkus Reviews in June of 2022, later making the New York Times Bestsellers list in August of 2022
  • Received the University Honors Impact and Innovation Award from the University of Maryland, May 2023

Certifications & Organizations

  • Psychologist in the state of Maryland (License: 06311)

Favorite Piece of Advice

  • Friendship doesn't happen organically. You have to initiate. Say, "It was great hanging out. I'd love to do it again sometime."
  • People like you more than you think, according to the research. Assume that people like you because the more you do, the more you act friendly and warm. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • People like people who like them, so find ways to show people how much you value them.

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Forum Comments (3)

How do you actually make real friends?
This is a very common issue, and I would say that most friendships end because of the fizzle, not because you're doing something wrong, but people simply are not keeping up with them. One way to prevent that is to build more social infrastructure in your life. And that's going to places where you're going to have a shared environment with someone for a long time.

You might already have that in your workplace, for example, where you frequently interact with people. If you want to build your relationship with your colleagues into friends, you have to do something called repotting (according to Ryan Hubbard, who started the Kitestring project), which means varying the settings in which you interact, and that tends to deepen our friendships. You could invite your colleague to go for a walk after work, for example.
How do I actually make friends online?
The research on online friendships finds that when we engage passively, scrolling and lurking, social media makes us lonelier and unhappier. When we engage actively, leaving comments or DMing people, then we are more likely to feel less lonely. People think it's social media destroying our friendships, but it's really how you use it.

It can depend on whether this person is geographically close to you or not, but using online as a tool to create more in-person connections is how you establish friendships online. So, maybe on someone's Instagram, you see they like dogs too, and you're like, “I've been meaning to go to this dog park, do you want to go with me?” or you follow someone who also writes, and you say to them, “Oh, wow, you write too, do you want to do a writing session together?” Using the increased information you have, you can then tailor an invitation to connect in person.

If they're not someone you can connect with in person, my advice is to be more active and have repeated interactions. If you join an online class or play the same online video game, for example, it might be a lot easier to form an online friendship.
How to make friends?
Well, first, I’m sorry that you’ve gone through those experiences and have felt really alone. I would be curious whether some of those assumptions you mentioned play into your behaviors in friendships. How does this belief that people might leave you or drift from you, even if you make really close friends, affect your behaviors in friendships? Because when we assume we'll be rejected, we tend to reject people. We tend to be more closed off, more withdrawn. I try to tell people to assume that people will like them because, according to the research on something called the acceptance prophecy, when you assume that you’re liked, you become more likable, warm, friendly, and open. So, how would you act if you assumed you were liked?

And then it’s really about shooting your shot, which means finding someone you like and letting them know you enjoyed talking to them and would love to connect further. Ask them if they’d be open to exchanging contact information, and make sure that you follow up. An easier way to meet new friends is to join something that repeats over time to capitalize on the mere exposure effect. Can you join a volleyball club, improv club, or language class? Just something where you’ll see people repeatedly and engage with them, and then ask to spend time with them outside of that.

Q&A Comments (1)

Co-authored Articles (10)

The Different Types of People You Can Find in a Friend Group

The personality types you can find in any social circleYou’ve seen it on TV and in real life—there’s always that one friend. Maybe they mother you too much, give you unsolicited fashion advice, or never say no to a...

What It Means to Be a Good Friend & How to Be a Better One

Friendship expert Dr. Marisa G. Franco explains how to be a supportive and caring friend Good friendships boost your overall well-being and greatly enhance your life. At the same time, a good friendship isn't built witho...

How to Make Friends With Females

Friendship expert Dr. Marisa G. Franco explains the best ways to develop a friendship with a womanNo matter who you are, it's healthy (and fun!) to have a mix of male and female friends. It's totally normal to feel nervo...

How to

Become Friends with a Girl

Friendship expert Dr. Marisa G. Franco shares her tips for befriending girls and women Is there a girl you'd like be friends with? You like talking to her and she makes you laugh, so why not? She is fun to be around, an...

How to Make Friends on Discord: Best Servers, Tips & More

Learn how to find authentic friendships on Discord Have you been searching for a Discord server to make new friends? If so, this is the article for you! In this article we go over some of the top servers dedicated to mak...

100+ Deep & Interesting Questions to Ask Your Friends

Get to know your BFFs better with these thought-provoking questionsIn the process of getting to know your friends, you’ve probably already covered basics like “What’s your favorite color?” and “Who’s your fav...

20 Traits You'll Find in a Good Friend (+ How to Be One Yourself)

Recognizing the essential qualities of a true friend If you know how to spot the traits that make a good friend, you'll have healthier and more fulfilling relationships. But what makes a good friend, exactly? We talked t...

How Do You Know if Someone Considers You Their Best Friend?

Friendship expert Dr. Marisa G. Franco lists signs that someone is your best friendIf you have a close friend that you really care about, you likely want to know if they feel super close to you, too. Thankfully, there ar...

How to

Find Friends That Share Interests

The older you get, the harder it can be to make new friends who share the same interests. This is especially true if you’ve just moved to a new school, university, city, or job. Putting yourself out there can be diffic...

How to Make Friends in a New City After College

Making friends as an adult doesn't have to be a struggle Making friends might have come naturally when you were in class together, but now that you’ve graduated and moved away, it can seem a lot more daunting. The goo...