Q&A for How to Give a Spanking

I would question if there really is "no reason." Most likely the child feels like a punishment is necessary, and you need to find out why. Another option is that the child finds spanking somehow enjoyable, and in that case you need to know why. This may be an indication of abuse, or perhaps the child just needs physical closeness, a hug, or some time to sit in your lap and read a book together.

No, such behavior is not appropriate. While views on physical discipline vary, it should never be administered in anger or accompanied by screaming, as these actions can constitute emotional abuse. If you are experiencing this, please consider reaching out to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, clergy member, or a friend's parent, for support.

Do some online research and find some reputable sources that explain when and how spanking can become abusive. (A general rule of thumb is that if a spanking leaves any visible marks besides some temporary redness, it's abuse.) Show these resources to your mom and explain why they're reputable, like if they came from a nationally renowned medical organization.

No, this with likely cause them to lie more to avoid spankings. Instead, remove privileges or ground them.

In the modern, developed world, most children are not spanked at all. In some European countries, spanking is illegal - and decreased spanking rates are correlated with decreased aggression, violence, and crime rates once the children grow up. There are more effective and less harmful ways to discipline a child. See How to Discipline a Child and How to Punish a Child for guidelines.

Yes, punishing a child with spanking for not calming down often reflects parental frustration and is generally considered abusive. Effective approaches prioritize teaching emotional regulation through calming techniques rather than physical punishment.

Stop immediately. Physical discipline causing severe distress can lead to significant behavioral and emotional problems. Instead, explore nonviolent discipline methods like natural consequences, making amends, or using reason. If you feel overwhelmed, step away to calm down before responding.

Yes, it is possible that individuals who were spanked as children may be more likely to use similar disciplinary methods with their own children, often because you may not have been exposed to or learned a wider range of alternative discipline tactics. However, you can actively choose to break this cycle by exploring and adopting different parenting approaches.

Yes. Your mom wants you to know that what you did was wrong through spanking, then shows that she loves you by comforting you, then gives you time out or corner time to calm down. This is normal.

Punishing violence with violence can reinforce to your child that such behavior is acceptable. You might consider exploring alternative disciplinary methods.

It is normal for children to cry before, during and after the spanking. They are probably upset and in minor pain. Let them cry it out, and give them love afterward. But stay firm.

No, this is a form of humiliation. You should tell a trusted adult immediately. If you don't feel safe or your concerns are not addressed, contact the police or Child Protective Services (CPS).

You should tell a trusted adult, such as a teacher or school counselor, as this behavior is a form of abuse.

Research indicates that spanking can have several negative long-term effects on children. It may lead to increased violence, anxiety, depression, and antisocial behaviors, often driven by fear rather than understanding. Instead, you might consider non-physical disciplinary approaches like natural consequences, making amends, or reasoned discussions, which promote positive behavior and learning.

If you've run out of options, spanking can be an effective last resort. Start by introducing your child to the concept of spanking - explain what it is and why you're considering it for them. Let them know before you do it that it will be their consequence next time they misbehave. Most importantly, remind your child that you love them and aren't trying to hurt them, but that they have to learn to behave. If they respond well to spanking, then have a conversation with them about how you can get the same results from less upsetting punishments.

No, it is not acceptable for spanking to result in bruises or marks, as this is generally considered harmful and a sign of abuse. You have a right to feel safe and should talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, or another responsible person who can help you.

Spanking a child risks teaching them that hitting is an acceptable response to anger or frustration. To effectively teach your child not to hit, you must model non-violent behavior and explore alternative discipline methods, such as natural consequences or making amends. Consider apologizing for past spanking, explaining that hitting is wrong regardless of who does it, and committing to modeling better behavior, as children learn respect through your actions.

You should talk to someone immediately. Discipline involving a belt and yelling may constitute abuse and could be illegal. Confide in a trusted adult, such as a teacher or guidance counselor.

Spanking is generally not considered an effective disciplinary method at any age and can be viewed as abusive. While some parents may choose to use it, physical discipline is particularly inappropriate for teenagers. For adolescents, you should consider alternative disciplinary approaches, such as restricting privileges or implementing grounding.

Yes, corporal punishment of children became illegal in Sweden in 1979. Sweden was the first country to implement such a ban, a measure that has since been adopted by over 50 other nations.

While there isn't universal agreement, many experts consider physical punishment abusive if it leaves marks or involves an object. For a child's safety and well-being, you should generally avoid all forms of physical punishment.

Parents nowadays think back to the "good old days" when children could be spanked with a belt/paddle/spoon/hairbrush whenever they slip up. They don't understand that there are studies linking spanking to mental illnesses and emotional problems later in life. It's about "tradition" and what parents are used to.

Yes, if spanking leaves red marks or rashes, it indicates excessive force. You should speak with a trusted adult about this situation.

No, this behavior is not appropriate. This constitutes sexual abuse, and you should immediately inform a trusted adult, such as a teacher or school counselor, and contact Child Protective Services (CPS) or your local child welfare agency.

No, this is not appropriate as it shifts the disciplinary responsibility from the parent to another child, whether or not that child is an adult. It also obliges the sibling to view corporal punishment as appropriate when that child should be permitted to work out such child raising issues later in life when they have children, from their own thinking and research. In some jurisdictions, spanking is outlawed, so any person doing it is committing a crime.

You should inflict minimal pain, never leaving marks on a child. Studies indicate that spanking risks teaching children that hitting is acceptable and often leads to worse behavior and increased aggression. If you choose to spank, do so lightly; otherwise, consider nonviolent discipline methods such as natural consequences, loss of privileges, time-outs, or direct communication with your child.

Spanking that occurs only when a parent is angry can indeed be considered abuse, especially if it's severe or frightens you. It's never acceptable for spanking to leave physical marks or for a parent to become violent or scary during discipline. If this is happening, please talk to a trusted adult like a teacher or counselor. You deserve to feel safe.

No. Have the babysitter write down what your child did. After you review the babysitter's notes, you can decide whether or not your child needs to be punished, and if so, how the punishment should proceed.

Depends on the state and the country. Do research on corporal punishment laws for schools in your state, and inform the principal that your teacher spanks you in front of the whole class.

You could talk to someone about it, such as a spouse or close friend. If you want, try it out and see if it is effective. If it isn't, then try something else. It should be a last resort if you do decide to do it.