130+ Funny Birthday Messages & Quotes for Your Friends

Birthdays are a time to celebrate, appreciate, and LAUGH with your friends! If you’re looking for the perfect funny birthday message to make your friend guffaw, you’re in the right place. Keep scrolling for a list of hilarious quotes and wishes for your guy friends, girl friends, best friends, and more, with advice from comedian Manny Garavito and therapist Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II.

Our Favorite Funny Birthday Wishes

“Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.”
“You know you’re getting old when caution is the only thing you exercise.”
“If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!”
“Happy birthday! May your beer be cold, your cake be big, and your hangover be small!”
“On your birthday, keep this in mind...you only look as old as your last selfie.”
“The older you get, the better you get, unless you are a banana.” —Betty White

Section 1 of 9:

Short & Funny “Happy Birthday” Wishes for a Friend

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Share a snappy birthday quip to make your friend chuckle. You could probably go on and on about how much you love your friend on their birthday, but if you’re short on time (or just not sure where to start), a quick and simple birthday wish is more than enough! Here are some HBD messages that are perfect for texts, DMs, shoutouts on social media, or even cakes:
- “It’s better to be over the hill than under it. Happy birthday!”
- “Getting older is a piece of cake (and a few more candles). HBD, friend!”
- “You're not old. You're simply aged to perfection.”
- “Age is just the number of years the world has been enjoying (tolerating) you.”
- “Some people age gracefully, then there’s you. Happy birthday anyway.”
- “A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age. I remember neither.”
- “Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.”
- “I'd be a lot more excited about you turning one year older if I were in your will.”
- “Happy one year closer to retirement!”
- “It's scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.”
- “Another year older and one step closer to Velcro shoes! Congrats!”
- “What goes up but never comes down? Your age. HBD!”
- “You're like a phone. You upgrade every year! Happy birthday.”
- “Have a GRATE birthday! (Hope that’s not too CHEESY.)”
- “For the record, you're not old, you're a classic. Next year, you’ll be old.”
- “At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.”
- “You know you’re getting old when caution is the only thing you exercise.”
- “Happy 29 (again)! We love you!”
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Manny Garavito is a comedian and the founder of Miami Comedy. He also produces live comedy shows, coaches comedians, and hosts the Miami Comedy Podcast.

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II is a therapist and the founder and CEO of Peaceful Living Counseling and Professional Services. She has over a decade of counseling experience.

Section 2 of 9:

Hilarious “Happy Birthday” Wishes for a Friend

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Skewer your pal even more with these hysterical birthday wishes. Whether you’re joking about old age or just want to roast your friend, these HBD messages cut a bit deeper to really tickle their funny bone. (Just remember not to go in too hard—it is their birthday, after all!)
- “I always limit my budget for buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!”
- “Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a reminder from social media.”
- “Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one. Happy birthday, friend!”
- “May your phone be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.”
- “On your birthday, don’t forget to set goals that are sky high and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get there.”
- “You’re a really hard individual to shop for…so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!”
- “Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.”
- “If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!”
- “I regret to inform you that your childhood has expired. Happy birthday, geezer!”
- “Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them, but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…”
- “If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope. Happy birthday!”
- “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year…if you make it!”
- “If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them! Happy birthday!”
- “You’ve officially reached the age when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great though…for your age!”
- “As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. Oh well. Happy birthday!”
- “We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept that it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a Happy Meal in public. HBD!”
- “Don’t worry about your age…alcohol will make it all better! Now drink up, birthday boy/girl!”
- “I’ve decided to stop making age jokes on your birthday now. You’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.”
- Expert tip: “To incorporate humor in a birthday wish, focus on the selfishness of the wish and exaggerate it,” says Garavito. For example, if they wish to get lots of money, say it’s to upgrade the friends who wish them a happy birthday.^{[1]
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Section 3 of 9:

Funny “Happy Birthday” Wishes for Him

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Have a lighthearted laugh at the b-day boy’s expense. From creaky joints to thinning hair to an increasingly cringey fascination with dad jokes, there’s plenty to poke fun at on a guy friend’s birthday! Here’s some inspiration to help you craft the perfect message:^{[2]
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- “Congrats on reaching the age when you finally know how to act your age…or at least pretend to! Happy birthday!”
- “Happy birthday! You’re officially older, wiser, and closer to those ‘dad jokes’ being part of your identity!”
- “They say age is just a number, but in your case, it’s a really big one. Happy birthday!”
- “Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the fact that you’ve survived another year of bad decisions and questionable haircuts.”
- “Cheers to another year of you being awesome…and slightly more creaky!”
- “Happy birthday! You’re like a fine wine—getting better with age, but also more likely to put people to sleep.”
- “You’ve reached the perfect age where you can blame ‘forgetfulness’ on being ‘wise.’ Use it wisely!”
- “Here’s to a birthday filled with cake, laughter, and a reminder that gym memberships don’t expire with age!”
- “Happy birthday! Remember, wrinkles are just laugh lines…you must have been hilarious!”
- “Aging like a boss, but mostly just creaking like one. Have a fantastic birthday!”
- “May your day be as epic as your dance moves after a few drinks. Cheers!”
- “Congratulations, you’ve unlocked the ‘middle-aged crisis’ badge. Enjoy the ride!”
- “Another birthday, another excuse to forget all responsibilities for 24 hours. Live it up!”
- “Happy birthday! At this age, your back goes out more than you do!”
- “Here’s to you! The man, the myth, the guy who still laughs at fart jokes!”
- “Happy birthday! May your beer be cold, your cake be big, and your hangover be small!”

Section 4 of 9:

Funny “Happy Birthday” Wishes for Her

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Humble the b-day queen with a playful roast to really make her cackle. Getting older isn’t everyone’s favorite thing to think about, but with a good friend like you making them laugh on their birthday, what’s there to be afraid of? Let her know she’s just as lively, dependable, and gorgeous as ever…and just as much of a target for jokes!
- “For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was absolutely wonderful, but then I remembered you already have me.”
- “Happy birthday to someone who is comparable to fine wine and cheese. You just get better with age, lady!”
- “On your birthday, keep this in mind...you only look as old as your last selfie.”
- “It’s your (birthday) party, and you’ll cry if you want to, though I don’t recommend it. We'll be taking loads of pics tonight, and you don't want to streak your mascara. Happy birthday!”
- “Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday, rock star!”
- “Happy birthday, queen! You definitely don’t look a day older than the age you tell people you are.”
- “Don't think of them as gray hairs. Think of them as strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head. Happy birthday!”
- “This birthday, just remember: there's absolutely no shame in the Botox game.”
- “Another birthday spent together...you know we're going to be friends 'til we're old and senile, right? And then we'll be new friends!”
- “One minute, you’re young and fun. The next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. Which one is yours? HBD!”
- “You don’t look a day over 20. From a distance. With my eyes squinted. Happy birthday, bestie!”
- “The secret to staying young is make-up—make up an age, then stick with it. Happy birthday!”
- “Is it hot in here? Must be all the candles on your birthday cake.”
- “I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously, with better clothes. Happy birthday!”
- “How do two pickle friends celebrate each other? They relish their birthdays, of course. HBD!”
- “Happy, happy birthday to the ‘she’ to my ‘nanigans’! I love you, girl!”

Section 5 of 9:

Funny “Happy Birthday” Wishes for Best Friends

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Let your bestie know how much they mean to you by making them laugh. Your BFF has been with you through thick and thin, and now it’s time to celebrate them! If you’re not quite sure what to say to make them giggle, Garavito says, “An inside joke always works. Use the context of how you met or what you talked about” to inspire your message.^{[3]
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Manny Garavito
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Expert Interview}
- “I can't figure out if life is passing us by or trying to run us over. Happy birthday to my BFF!”^{[4]
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- “When did our wild oats turn into shredded wheat? Happy birthday!”
- “Friends are like fine wine; they only get better with age and a few more wild stories!”
- “Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their lives in order? So naive!”
- “They say to take every birthday with a grain of salt. I say take it with a full rim of salt on a very large margarita. Happy birthday, bestie!”
- “Happy birthday to someone who still isn’t showing their age…and certainly not acting it. I love you, friend!”
- “Everyone gets to be young once. Today, it's official, your turn is over.”
- “I’d give you my last French fry. That’s really saying something! Happy birthday!”
- “I'm so happy that we're going to grow old together, and that you have a head start.”
- “Happy birthday to the person who is always there to help me draft a risky text and teach me everything they know about skincare.”
- “Let's drink champagne and dance on the tables (until they ask us to leave the bar). Happy birthday!”
- “To quote Saweetie, ‘That's my best friend.’ Happy birthday to my BFF!”
- There is no one I would rather blast Taylor Swift with all day and night. Happy birthday to my favorite Swiftie.
- “Happy [number]th birthday! The teens on TikTok definitely think you're geriatric now.”
- “Happy birthday to someone who loves me even though I take forever to reply to texts.”
- “Happy birthday to a charming, smart, and all-around amazing person. Takes one to know one!”

Section 6 of 9:

Funny “Happy Birthday” Quotes

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Quote a famous figure if you’re lost for words. Still not sure what to say? Not a problem! You can fill that blank space on your card with a quote from an actor, writer, thinker, or public figure that the birthday person admires. Here are some classic birthday quotes to choose from (but don’t be afraid to search for more!):^{[5]
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- “The older you get, the better you get, unless you are a banana.” —Betty White
- “Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” —Edward Morykwas
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” —Bob Hope
- “Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.” —Greg Tamblyn
- “The way I see it, you should live every day like it’s your birthday.” —Paris Hilton
- “Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.” —Anna Magnani
- “Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on, and everybody rushes to get a piece?” —Bobby Kelton
- “Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” —Jim Gaffigan
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball
- “There is still no cure for the common birthday.” —John Glenn
- “Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.” —Bob Hope
- “Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.” —Cora Harvey Armstrong
- “Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere.” —George Burns
- “I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is, too.” —Gloria Swanson
- “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” —Steven Wright
- “Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.” —Anthony Powell
- “You’ve heard of the three ages of man—youth, age, and ‘you are looking wonderful.'” —Francis Cardinal Spellman
- “Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday, I will forget yours if you forget mine!” —Kate Summers
- “I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” —George Burns
- “Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.” —John Glenn

Section 7 of 9:

Funny Belated “Happy Birthday” Wishes

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Crack a joke about your forgetfulness for a belated birthday wish. So you missed your friend’s birthday—it happens! Instead of feeling bad, think of it as an opportunity to make your friend laugh (and extend their birthday celebrations even longer). Here are some messages for inspiration:^{[6]
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- “Don't feel deflated that I’m a little belated. Happy birthday!”
- “Happy birth week! Those are a thing, right?”
- “They say wine gets better with age; let's hope they say the same about birthday wishes. Happy birthday!”
- “You forgot my birthday present last year, so now I'm returning the favor. Happy birthday!”
- “This year, I’m celebrating your birth month instead of your birth day. So happy birth month to you!”
- “You can never just celebrate your birthday on one day; that's why I waited until now to send this card. Happy birthday!”
- “You’ll never guess what I just remembered...happy belated birthday!”
- “They said patience comes with age...so thanks for waiting for my belated birthday wish!”
- “You’re so special that I couldn’t fit all your birthday wishes into one day. Happy belated birthday, friend!”
- “This card isn't late. I am drawing out your birthday celebration as long as possible!”
- “I know I missed your birthday, but is there any cake left? Happy birthday!”
- “Fashionably late is in style, right? Happy belated birthday, friend!”
- “This card is actually late on purpose. Now it’s your birthday for the whole month!”
- “Someone has to keep the party going. I'm taking one for the team. You're welcome. Happy belated birthday!”
- “I know I’m late, but if I had punctuality on top of all my other qualities, it wouldn't be fair to everyone else. Happy belated birthday!”

Section 8 of 9:

Funny Birthday Jokes

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Fill your card with a cheesy birthday joke to give the gift of a groan. If your friend likes a joke that’s so bad it’s good, then these silly quips are for you! Write them in a card or send them in a happy birthday text to make them smile. These ridiculous puns are worth aging for!^{[7]
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- Why did we skip putting candles on the birthday cake? Because at your age, the number of candles is considered a fire hazard.
- Why don't skeletons have birthday parties? Because they have no-body to celebrate with.
- What did the corn say when his friend wished him a happy birthday? “Aw, shucks!”
- Why was the pig hard at work on his birthday? He was bacon himself a birthday cake.
- What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven? Angel food cake.
- What did one bottle of wine say to the other on its birthday? “You just get better with age.”
- Why do grandparents love birthdays so much? They have the most experience with them.
- What kind of birthday cake should you get for a ghost? I scream cake.
- Why did the man only celebrate his birthday for 30 seconds? It was his 32nd birthday.
- Why was the cup of coffee sad on his birthday? He was feeling a little depresso.
- What advice did the pickle have for his friend on his birthday? “Relish every moment.”
- How can you tell if a birthday cake is sad? See if it's in tiers.
- What did one watermelon say to the other on its birthday? “You're one in a melon!”
- What do birthday cakes and baseball have in common? They both need batters.
- What did the snake say to her boyfriend on his birthday? “Here's a birthday hug and hiss.”

Section 9 of 9:

Delivering Your “Happy Birthday” Wish

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Personalize a birthday card to make it feel extra special. Whether you’re writing a silly birthday joke or a heartfelt message, “I might make a card or buy a card that's empty, or get a card personalized,” explains Eubanks. “And then, I would write how I feel about them” inside.^{[8]
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Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II
Therapist

Expert Interview} Putting in some effort to make a card yourself (or have one custom-made on a site like Etsy or Cardly) goes a long way toward making their birthday memorable! If cards aren’t your thing, you can also include your birthday wish in:
- A happy birthday text message or DM
- A social media post with a photo of you two together
- A personalized gift, like a wine glass, journal, or piece of jewelry
- Birthday party decor like banners, posters, or coozies
- The “Happy Birthday” song
  - To make the song extra funny, Garavito says, “Before singing someone ‘Happy Birthday,’ I like to point out how cringey it’s about to get. I ask everyone to pull out their phones and start recording.”^{[9]
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